I hearkened and heard, but they spake not aright: no man repented him of his wickedness, saying, What have I done? every one turned to his course, as the horse rusheth into the battle.
There’s something about that almost sudden realization of, “What have I done?” It’s kind of that we come to our senses and fully and consciously realize that we’ve done something we shouldn’t have. It’s almost like we can separate ourselves from the passion of the moment or the impulsiveness of it and step back and see our action for what it really was. It’s when we allow the magnitude and the reality to sink in of sinning against a holy God, defying the commands of our Creator, disobeying our provider, our defender, our deliverer.
What have we done when we’ve sinned? We’ve broken our fellowship with God. We’ve separated ourselves from our Father. We’ve decided that something else was more important than Him and that something else was more valuable than our relationship to Him. We’ve allowed Satan and evil to triumph. We’ve rejected God, turning our back on Him and choosing a path that leads us away from Him.
The problem comes when we don’t get to that place of realizing what we’ve done. The problem is when we continue on in our sin, refusing to see it for what it is or simply not caring that we’re driving ourselves further and further away from God. We are rushing headlong into hurt and destruction without realizing that all we had to do was pause for a moment and get our wits about us and turn back to what is right. But even as we rush around with our hands over our ears, refusing to listen, God is calling after us. He is pleading for our return, warning us of what awaits us if we won’t heed what He is saying.
Maybe all it takes is for us to simply stop for a moment in the frenzy of it all and think about what we are doing, what direction we’re heading, what choices we are making. Maybe we just need to be honest with ourselves about the kinds of things we’re desiring and pursuing and whether they are righteous choices or evil ones. Maybe if we’ve been going our own way, refusing to listen to God or trying to ignore Him so we could do what we wanted to, it’s time to come to our senses. It’s time to come to God and simply say, “What have I done?” Only then can we start the journey of repentance back to fellowship with God.